Over the years, I’ve had four very different answers to the question, “So, what do you do?” And I’ve noticed that some answers spark instant conversation — while others end it.

When I say “psychotherapist,” I’ve noticed what happens — and what doesn’t.

What does happen is usually a heartfelt comment about the importance of psychotherapy in today’s confusing world.

What doesn’t happen is a comment about how therapy has personally helped the speaker.

This is very different from when I said “cupcakes.”

Back then, I’d hear both general appreciation for cupcakes and a detailed description of someone’s favourite flavour — cake, icing, and why.

Joking aside, I understand that therapy is a more private topic than cupcakes.

Still, I think many people misunderstand what actually happens in a therapy session.

I’ve been building a new website and, in the process, looking at psychotherapists’ sites around the world.

It strikes me how hard it is to explain what we actually do in therapy. 

There’s nothing wrong with our desire to walk beside you as we explore your life stories and expand your capacity for connection and self-compassion -  but this does make therapy sound fairly intimidating.

In truth, a therapy session belongs entirely to the client and can be whatever they need.

I’ve had sessions where a client cried quietly for the full sixty minutes. It never crossed my mind to come up with the perfect word of comfort because, likely, the session with me was the only place they felt comfortable to cry.

Other times, I’ve talked with clients about outsourcing labour, drafting statements of claim, procuring dental supplies during COVID, or finishing a doctoral thesis.

Did I know anything technical about these topics? No.

And that wasn’t the point.

They needed someone skilled in listening and asking questions so they could sort through the interpersonal issues behind those challenges.

Maybe, in those moments, we were indeed expanding their capacity for connection and self-compassion.

But if you’d asked those clients on that random Tuesday afternoon or Friday morning what they thought, they’d probably say something far simpler:

“That was really helpful.”

That’s therapy.

#psychotherapy #mentalhealth #listeningmatters #selfawareness #humanconnection

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